Resentment

Letting it go is terrifying.

Comparable to holding a hot piece of coal in your hand.
You feel tough. Tony Robbins would be proud of you.
On the other hand, it hurts like hell. But it feels so right.

In order for resentment to build, you have to abandon yourself.
Resentment blocks your power.
Basically, your resentment is your problem. Sorry

You give, you ask, promises break, and you dismiss it. The behaviours repeat.

You feel unseen, unheard, and unsure.
You suffer.

Why do they keep doing this to you?
How many times do you have to bring it up?
They need to grow up, take responsibility, and take initiative.

And slowly, the heat builds.

About a Client…

Looking over at her partner fiddling with the 3D printer while she cleaned the kitchen and packed the leftovers for their daughter’s lunch.

The coal in her hand grew warmer.
Not hot enough to scream, but enough to sting.

She knew they were running out of toilet paper and the hydro bill was due, the cat litter needed changing, the books returned, and they were almost out of propane.

She carried it all, irritated by the lack of acknowledgment and effort from her person.

But if she stopped doing all the things ( the advice that makes her head pop off) nothing will get done and life will fall apart.

They talked about it. She shared the list of all the things she takes care of.

Defensively, her partner explained their contributions, and thought she should relax—they weren’t asking her to carry it all.

She wanted to share the load and feel appreciated.

From time to time they were aligned, both contribuitng and recognizing.
The chemistry reignited.
But it never lasted.

The cycle repeated. The coal got hotter.
A no to therapy. “This is just who I am.”

Tired as hell, a former fitness buff, she knew that if she could get her ass back to the gym, she’d have more energy.

But when?

The big breadwinner, dedicated to her director position at the hospital, commuting 45 minutes each way, mother of a six-year-old, and living on a farm with an albino peacock, goats, and emus.

Seriously, When?

She blamed her partner.
Righteous, pissed off and passive-aggressive.
Brewing with anticipation for the next moment, they wouldn’t show up for her proving to herself that she’s right.

But this stuck place wasn’t going to get her to the gym.
It wouldn’t lead to understanding, connection, or any kind of solution.
It wouldn’t change the other person.
It only added to the mess.

Sitting on the ledge of the bath, feet in the empty tub, she realized:
”Your lack of contribution is not making me resentful. My lack of prioritizing myself is making me resentful. “ Resentment was blocking her.

ABOUT RESENTMENT

We unconsciously believe that by holding onto resentment, the other person will see our pain and change, make us feel better.

Validation.

But no, they get defensive, shut down, and annoyed, don’t listen, aren’t curious.

Meanwhile, your hand is blistering.

Letting go of resentment feels terrifying.

Who are we without it?

Letting go can feel like losing control of something that is protection.
It helps you feel like you have proof you were wronged.

We fear that letting go means it didn’t matter.
That if we drop it, we’ll get hurt again.

That we’ll be unprotected. Unseen. Unheard. But we weren’t getting any of that from resentment.

Resentment stuffs down the things you avoid.
Hurt, grief, humiliation, worthiness, betrayl, loneliness, boundaries.

Letting go reveals your patterns. This part sucks, it’s confronting and worth it. Undertsanding the ways you abandon yourself is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself.

Letting go isn’t abandoning yourself.
It’s saying, “My peace is more important that being right about this.”

If you don’t let go of the hot coal, eventually, you will burn your hand off or chuck it at them and burn the place down.

When you sit with resentment.

What am I protecting? What am I afraid will happen if I let this go?
Resentment, what are you trying to teach me?
Can I let myself be right, and leave it, be done with it.

You’ll start to see the truth.

You will see the fear that has been trapping you.

Fear of hurting their feelings, fear of abandonment, fear of not being liked, of not being the best, fear of rocking the boat.

Resentment will teach you if you listen.

That becomes your work, letting go of resentment, you discover what mental muscles you need to grow and how to flex them.

You won’t abandon yourself in this way, ever again. You will overcome the fear that drove the behavior that created the resentment.

Even when it’s uncomfortable, messy, or you don’t know how, you will choose yourself.

Resentment is a stuck place.

Sitting in the discomfort of resentment and owning our part, frees us.
We stop focusing on what they did or didn’t do.

We focus on who we want to be.

Drop the coal.
Tend to your hand.
Heal.

When we stop bitterly obsessing over them and start deeply tending to ourselves with love, we change, we grow, we evolve.

We become our ally.

We finally see solutions we couldn’t see before.

Letting go is a leap of faith. A leap toward yourself. Toward possibility.

🖤
Mary