How to Stop Negative Self-Talk (Part 1 of 3)

Learn to catch your critic before it catches you.

Challenge: Catch Your Critic Before It Catches You

The inner critic speaks negatively to you.
If you don’t know who triggers your critic, when it shows up, or what it says, you can’t stop it.
Understand your inner critic so you can change it.

Why It Matters

The critic causes stress, self-doubt and anxiety.

The inner critic makes you:

· Unhealthy, and overweight because choosing you is selfish.

· Compare yourself to others and notice how you don’t measure up.

· Burnt out, because you aren’t doing enough and there is no time.

· Say yes when you mean no, because you can’t disappoint anyone.

· Lie awake at night ruminating on all you should have said and done.

· Show up feeling like you are an imposter, no matter how qualified you are.

The critic leaves you stuck, playing small and spiralling.

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WHAT TO DO

What does it say to you? Who triggers it? When does it show up?

One week. Notice. Reflect. Jot down.

• Who were you around when the critic showed up?

• When did it show up? Where were you?

• What did the critic say to you?

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HOW TO DO IT:

STEP 1: Focus on your negative self talk for one week.
You might not notice while it’s happening (yet), that’s okay.

STEP 2: Once a day reflect and answer the questions below.
Sometimes setting a timer helps. Give yourself 15 mins.

STEP 3: Write them down.
Extra point talking about it with someone you trust.

Question #1 - WHO?

Who are the people, and types of personalities that activate your critic?

Think of 2–3 people who make you feel intimidated, insecure or like you just can’t be yourself.

How do they behave and seem to be? Loud, Overbearing, Extroverted, Strong, Confident

What role do they have, how old are they? Boss, Partner’s colleague, Parent’s friend, Famous? Older? Younger?

What do they look like? Polished, super-hot, skinny, tall, stylish.

What do other people you know think of them?
Adored by your mom, rumours around the office, everyone in the family has the same opinion about this person.

What similarities or patterns do you see in who triggers your inner critic?

Question #2 - WHEN

When or where does your inner critic make an appearance?

• During everyday routines: waking up, making coffee, packing lunches, driving, at the gym.

• Right before big moments: leading a meeting, leaving work, starting something new.

• Vulnerable moments: looking in the mirror, making a mistake, feeling hungry or depleted.

• Tough situations: being asked to do something you don’t want to, giving feedback, having hard conversations.

Question #3 - WHAT?

What does it say to you? Literally. What is the tone? (Examples below)

· “I should be better.”

· “I don’t know what I’m doing.”

· “I’m not doing enough.”

· “I’m not as good as them.”

· “There’s too much, I don’t even know where to start.”

· “I’m never consistent, so why bother?”

· “If I don’t go they’ll be upset and I’ll feel guilty.”

· “I’m too old / fat / broke / quiet.”

· “What is wrong with me.”

· “I’ll screw this up. It’ll be embarrassing.”

· “Why can’t you just get it together?”

· “I hate myself.”

The Goal

To understand your inner critic.

The Result

Patterns will pop up fast.
When you see the pattern in real time, you will stop getting blindsided.
You can learn to pause, breathe, and choose to respond from your inner ally.
Once you see the pattern, you can plan for it instead of being ruled by it.
You’ll walk into triggering situations prepared.

If we want to live a fulfilling life, or even a life with a little less stress,
we must become aware of how we talk to ourselves.